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We need more brigadiers. Or, I could talk to myself. That'd get pretty annoying, though.

I could have the smilies talk to each other. Qouldn't (!) you enjoy a spirited debate between and on the subject of Michael's best feature? (I have a feeling is all about the right leg, whereas is all for the left)

Hope you enjoy your work, Loretta! But how can an office not have internet access? That's just wacky.

remarks upon the superiority of the right leg's calf: its finely toned appearance, perfect proportion to the rest of the leg, etc.
answers that calves are meaningless, the true measure of a leg's worth is the thigh. And undoubtedly the left thigh is the finest specimen of a manly-man thigh EVER in the history of mankind.
then just gets ugly, saying there's no need for the caps lock; or back off of your crazy, beatnik drugs (he should talk!); or "the right thigh is better! In fact, the entire musculature of the right leg is superior to that of that wimpy, anemic excuse of a left leg"
tries to explain that musculature isn't everything. Hair-to-skin ratio, flexibilty, skin tone, and creativity (you'll have to ask him what that means, 'cause I just don't get it) are all elements in which the left leg dominates. Anyone who would judge a leg solely on musculature and not take into account these factors, as well as its personality and intelligence, is shallow...

well, from there the debate deteriorates for several reasons. First and foremost, from this point on and just scream at each other. And then there's these troublemakers: and . 's problem is he's a know-it-all and points out the Michael photo being used for this debate appears to be a reverse image. This revelation does little more than add confusion to the fury, leading to the inevitable smilie mob violence. ensues Finally, is just plain naughtry, proclaiming the entire issue ludicrous as (his words -- NOT MINE! I would NEVER be so naughtry) "Michael's best feature is between his legs." Positively shameful.